Did I overreact?

Did I react right? Am I wrong? Am I overreacting? These questions come up endlessly while we go about our day to day activities and interact with other human beings. Be it a little squabble, an argument, a huge fight, sometimes we find ourselves asking these questions consciously or subconsciously.
Personally I have
sometimes unconsciously asked myself these questions severally and sometimes when I am really bitter about any situation, I sit down and replay it in my head. Should I have said this instead of that and for some folks like me with a quick temper it generally looks like we are always wrong since we are usually the first to yell. Well I have few tips here to keep you in check and know if you reacted right to situations, trust me this has helped me tremendously since I am sensitive as they come. Just a wrong use of certain words can instantly fuel my anger and the argument becomes about what he or she just said no longer about what we started out arguing about. So sit back relax and enjoy this, since we can’t completely avoid certain situations.

The inner voice

First things first, I thank GOD everyday for the gift of human conscience for some of us who still possess it(I know a few that don’t). There’s this small voice that sounds exactly like yours, that you constantly battle with in your head (please tell me you have it too, if not I might be going crazy without knowing) sometimes its positive, sometimes its negative but if it keeps talking to you and keeps tugging at that soft fabric wrapped around your conscience after a squabble, then you should probably soften up and re analyze the situation. It doesn’t matter what you’ve said or how you’ve convinced yourself that you’re right if your inner voice says you’re wrong, then you are! Some of us are generally soft not usually at peace when they have issues with someone, and would want to make peace (I applaud them) but this is not what I am talking about. For some other people like me who where created a little bit differently with a lot of ego issues (this doesn’t make us devils) who would want to be convinced they are wrong in certain situations please SIR/MADAM listen to your inner voice.


The third party

Especially after a huge fight we sometimes find ourselves regaling the tale to a third party. Sometimes this third person might help us find the answers we seek or they might help us loose our heads more. That’s why I suggest a neutral third party someone who would judge straight from the right or wrong view not from sentiments, because the concept of overreacting is really told from an objective point of view given any situation. We are generally blind to our flaws so trust me when I say you need this third party, not always of course but most times. This one is for the ladies don’t go yapping out to your girlfriend because girl you know she got your back, she’d see it straight how you’re seeing it. You can come to me am known to be very objective while judging even with friends (just kidding). If the neutral third party says you’re wrong then brother/sister consider going back to your drawing table.

Sober reflection

Sometimes we react out of emotional strain on other areas of our lives and end up transferring aggression. So when you aren’t upset anymore and “Mr. inner voice” has told you you’re wrong but it has fallen on deaf ears and you’ve equally asked a neutral third person who has equally told you point blank you over reacted but you’ve convinced yourself that you’re right and that they don’t just understand. Maybe all you need is to take a step back once you’re sober and see things clearly, so it will help you figure out why you’re feeling a certain way and why you’re feeling like a looser after an argument that you’ve clearly won.


Hurtful arrows

This is a personal trick I use to keep myself in check , how I personally know am overreacting is when I start using hurtful words, saying things that are hurtful to the other party that I don’t mean and is in no way connected to the subject we are arguing over. If I start doing that just because I want to keep winning then am clearly going psycho and would tell myself am overreacting. This doesn’t necessarily mean the other party is right, but it helps in controlling your reactions to the bullshit the other party is spitting out. So friend, if you leave the matter at hand and start using unnecessary hurtful words Oga/madam you’re not reacting right and even if you were right based on the original argument you are spoiling you’re victory. So keep yourself in check.


 Opponent’s reaction

Your opponent’s reaction can tell you a lot about your own actions. If he or she was surprised or shocked and clearly hurt by your words or actions and looks at you like you’ve become a total stranger then you’ve clearly overreacted and should consider making amends. Most of us don’t like losing in arguments or fights, I personally do not like losing in arguments but watch your opponent intently their reactions tell you how bad yours are too.




Finally
It is very important to know the difference between reacting and overacting because not all intense responses are overreactions. It’s perfectly fine to feel your emotions and express yourself accordingly, every action gets a reaction. If something is truly upsetting you are allowed to be upset, the problem however is when you react in a bigger way than justified.
Do not assume you know exactly what people think, or filter out the good parts of a statement and focus on the bad ones. Avoid prediction; you assume you know the future, you know what your partner would say or do next then you do yours to stay winning, you’re over reacting and clearly loosing. Worst of all it might even get violent. Don’t always believe in the worst case scenarios. Try to breathe while arguing it helps calm you down and give you a second to think. Also the silent treatment sometimes works magic just state your solid points and ignore further infuriating remarks from your opponent, this takes a lot of self control but trust me you’ll be congratulating yourself in the end, and your inner voice won’t harass you.
 Ok guys, in as much as i can still think of other few tips, I have given the key points which will help you know if you reacted wrongly after an argument and also how to keep yourself in check during one. But in all strive for peace becomes sometimes peace is better than being right.